Champions of Change Blog

“The Fairy Tale Is Over"...Not Quite...

Ed. Note: Champions of Change is a weekly initiative to highlight Americans who are making an impact in their communities and helping our country rise to meet the many challenges of the 21st century.

I wrote a poem and read it in court to a packed court room and to the Judge as part of a victim impact statement. The title of my blog above is one line from that poem, but as a survivor of a teen dating violence relationship, I have learned that the tale of my life is far from over. It has begun a new and exciting chapter in my life that has had great impact on others.

I was in an abusive relationship for two years with someone who said he loved me, cared about me and wanted to be with me forever. While the relationship felt like a fairytale, things changed over time. He became extremely jealous, controlling, and tore my self-esteem. Then eventually he began to physically abuse me. I broke up with him many times but he always manipulated me into taking him back. Finally, the last time I broke up with him, he didn’t want it to end. He broke into my room, sexually assaulted me and threatened my life. I did the right thing and told a teacher and through a series of events, he was arrested and placed on house arrest. While on house arrest, he got a shotgun, came to my home and shot me in the face. 

This event, although tragic, was a new beginning for me. I had to heal internally and externally and then I was not going to let this tragedy stop me. I became involved in advocating for change for those teens who are still in abusive relationships. I testified in front of the Ohio State Senate and Congress to help pass two laws in the State of Ohio, House Bill 10 and House Bill 19. HB 10 now allows teens to obtain protection orders against an offender who is under the age of 18, a layer of protection I never had when I was being harmed and HB 19 which now mandates schools in the State of Ohio to educate grades 7-12 on the issue of teen dating violence. Passing these bills was so important to me because I know that there are many others out there like me that need education and protection.

Empowering Women to See Themselves and Their Relationships Differently

Ed. Note: Champions of Change is a weekly initiative to highlight Americans who are making an impact in their communities and helping our country rise to meet the many challenges of the 21st century.

In response to intimate partner violence shelters remain a vital service that can assist survivors in escaping dangerous relationships, developing safety strategies, accessing community resources and offering opportunities to find jobs, housing and the skills needed to successfully transition back into the community. But in order to do that shelters need to operate in a way that supports and empowers survivors rather than exposing them to an environment that replicates the hierarchical structure and accompanying rules and limits that mirror the very relationship they are escaping.

Shelters that adopt a trauma-informed approach can offer survivors a sense of belonging, an accepting community, an environment that celebrates successes and allows for mistakes and the security that they will have the chance to grow and learn at their own pace. A trauma-informed approach allows everyone to be treated as an individual and interprets behavior in the context of the trauma rather than as conscious choices that are sometimes in conflict with others or even in conflict with what seems best for the survivor. Rules are not needed in such an environment because everyone is expected to be responsible for their own behavior and natural consequences are sufficient.